Charlie Sheen's Hork Nostril

I can't be the only one who noticed the *incredible* feature he has developed for himself. Seriously, the whirlwind this mad-machine could generate would suck the panties off a prostitute...

What are they up to now? - BRIAN BOSWORTH a.k.a "The BOZ"

I don't know what got me thinking about our old boy Bosworth (aka The Boz) but once I did, I figured he was a shoe-in for this on-going joke of mine (Click the Labels link below for the rest of the posts). The Boz is seen here back in his glory days when hie played "John Stone" in the half-assed thriller "Stone Cold". This movie is so weak that it is no longer even considered for the mid-afternoon Saturday slot on USA network. Like his football career, The Boz's film career came to an abrupt end shortly after "Stone Cold" exited the theater it played in.

So what is such a fine actor as The Boz up to now, you ask? Why, good thing you did! Our friends at IMDB indicate that he has just put a wrap on a new movie starring none other than Gary Busey! With this "power duo", how could the end product cease to suck? Anyway - the movie is called, "Down and Distance". The plot is described below:

"An immature football coach's life is falling apart. Marital problems, mounting gambling debts, unemployment, two children who are distancing themselves from him and an aging father. He has the opportunity to get back to coaching college football if he can get his youth football team to win their championship game. So he breaks all the rules to make it to the finals, where he must confront an old rival with a powerhouse team and his conscience has to decide if it's about winning or fair play."

Hmm - If I didn't know who was in it, I might just geive it the benefit of the doubt. However, understanding that it stars NOT ONLY The Boz, but the illustrious (and bat-Shit Crazy) Mr. Busey, I can't help but feel that this sucker's gonna go over like a ripe fart in church.

Well done, Boz! 'A' for effort buddy!

Don't Rent "The Zohan".

Ok, Seriously - This is the shittiest movie I have had the misfortune to witness in a while. I don't even know what else to say. Adam Sandler deserves a righteous asskicking for releasing this piece of crap. AVOID THE PAIN!

What are they up to now? - Alec Baldwin

What can I say about a guy who actually co-starred in the only Godfather movie that sucked. How about this, of all the Baldwin kids (the others being Stephen, William, and Daniel) he is BY FAR the most intelligent and in possession of the lion's share of his fathers talent that was passed to his progeny, and that was a cake that was sliced all to thin. Contrary to previous actors featured in this segment, Alec doesn't star in moveis that suck, he CO-STAR'S in them, or makes a cameo. You are already well aware that the movie is a dog, and on walks ol' Alec - like a fart that lingers too long in church. Even in one of his better showings, as Jack Ryan in "Hunt for red October" he is helped by the fact that #1: Sean Connery is the lead, and #2: the story is so good that a zombie could have acted as Ryan and pulled it off. But what is he up to now, you ask? my friends over at IMDb tell me that he is currently working on a movie called, "LymeLife". Hmm - not sure what this could be about, so I checked the synopsis...

Set in late '70s Long Island, the coming-of-age story follows two families who fall apart when precarious relationships, real estate problems and Lyme disease converge in the heart of suburbia.

Are you KIDDING ME?! Holy crap that sounds BAD! And in this flick, our boy Baldwin PLAYS THE LEAD! Congratualtions Alec! You get the Busey award for this one!

What are they up to now? - Gary Busey

Oh man! If this guy doesn't define the B-Movie today, I don't know who does. I have seen more half-assed movies about cracked vet's from 'Nam featuring this dude than I care to remember. Even in one of his finer presentations, Point Break, he plays that character. His retainer has to be under $500 per role, or else he's been a crackhead for 20 years... unbelievable - a true master of cinema disaster. But what has he been up to lately, you ask? Well, acording to IMDb, his lastest release is called, "Halletsville", where he plays the role of "Sheriff David Ketchum". As the stated genre is Horror, my gues is that this movie probably blows. I give you the synopsis:

Something awaits Tyler Jensen and his friends in the Hallettsville house. When Tyler's lifelong friends start dying, he must figure out a way to save himself, his girlfriend and the rest of the crew before the demons come.

Wow - sounds like a real piece of shit. Well done, Gary!

What are they up to now? - Tom Berenger.

Ever wonder what Tom Berenger is doing now? This guy sits amongst an elite of Holywood actors that have played consistantly in some of the worst movies that hollywood releases. Seriously, you see a movie with these guys, and unless it is Saturday afternoon on the USA network and you are snowed in or in a coma, you change the channel. Other notable members in this elite crew include Gary Busey, Kurt Russell, and Bridget Fonda. All of these actors have also been in some reall classics, like Berenger as pictured here in "Platoon". So what's ol' Tom up to now? A quick search indicates that he was in the recent release of "Stiletto". Hmm - such a mysterious title stinks of low-budget production and a shitty script. IMDb has this synopsis of the movie (Berenger plays the role of "Virgil vadalos").

A methodical female assassin is stalking and killing members of a ruthless criminal organization. The killer, a mysterious young Russian woman, dispatches her victims with Black Widow brutality, working her way through the ranks of thugs, and drug dealers. One of her victims survives. A wealthy, retired crime boss, Virgil. He shares a past with the Russian Woman and her betrayal breaks his heart. Furious and paranoid, Virgil cannot trust even his closest associates. So, he enlists a crooked homicide detective, Beck, to track her down before the police get to her.

Wow - that sounds *EXTRA* bad. Suggestion: save the $7 for ANY OTHER MOVIE THAT COMES OUT THIS YEAR. Berenger strikes again! hahaha!