Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Time warp 2012!

First - I have to give full credit to Erica for this concept.

Timewarp 2012!!, an exciting election year for sure! In a surprising burst of estrogenal energy, the entire country has voted to set up an all female presidential ticket FOR BOTH MAJOR PARTIES. In a predetermined action, the greens, libertarians, socialists, commies, Tea-bag idiots, constitutional party, and the fringe groups have elected all male candidates in a move to prove that the mainstream are completely biased slaves-to-the-corporate-dollar, and and out of touch with the rest of the country.

On the Republican ticket, (picture to the right of center)everyone's favorite neighbor from the north, Sarah Palin, has formed what can only be called a "Dynamic Duo" with the infamous Tonya Harding. Running behind the slogan "Soccer Moms and Skating Moms TOGETHER! *UNSTOPPABLE*",
this power dou has made quite a splash amongst the illiterate, the methamphetamine-addicted, and the toothless of America with their unique combination of charming winks, overdeveloped female biceps, and dubious celebrity status from past 'glories' (reference, amongst other classy tid-bits of the past, "Harding's Wedding night video" on google).

The Palin/Harding ticket has well publicized plans to "Kick Some Ace!" in November, and "Wail on those democratic bitches" in, what is described by supporters as a, "Sure-fire ass-whuppin! on election night".

Asked what he thought about the ticket, a confident Michael Steele (sporting a newer, more trendy style in a vain effort to attract young Americans to the republican Party) said, "3,6,9 damn she fine,
hopin she can sock it to me one mo time,
Get low, Get low!
To the window, to the wall... "
followed by something about "Skeet, Skeet!..." and some other unprintable things. Apparently, Lil' Jon, not friar Tuck, is running the G.O.P in 2012...

On the other side of the fence, the democrat's have countered with a mighty Clinton/Pelosi pairing, a couple of tried and true ball-busters certain to strike fear into even the toughest of foreign leaders (suck on that one, Putin!) Campaigning on the slogan, "Palin/Harding, Seriously?!", experts are predicting a brutal campaign of mud-sligning and smear-tactics, followed by an overwhelming democratic victory when the vast majority of loud and obnoxious Palin/Harding supporters fail to vote. Republican's will point to inherent inequalities in the system, but in reality, it will come down to the fact that the loudest and most vocal supporters of the Palin/Harding ticket couldn't find the local post office on election day, or were too intoxicated/medicated/tweaked to correctly spell their names.

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