Make ze Road to ze Mountain fur ze Ski!

Guten TAG, Mein Herr. Ich bin Guenter von Weisswurst, und I have somezing zat I must zay to you. In ze local newspaper, I have noticed zat you Americans are confused about ze proper development zat is needed to make ze proper experience for ze ski. You see, in Baden Wissenschiflichesgekeit, we have long understood that ze paved road to ze base of ze mountain and many of ze chalets is ze proper way to create ze perfect environment for ze ski. I see in ze paper zat you fools are trying to stop ze building of ze chalet at ze resort called Wulf Creek. Vat is zis Madness? Do you not understand zat ze only way to properly get to ze mountain is in ze rear-wheel drive touring coupe, like my ZuperFantastiche B M V? Zees fools zat drive zees klutzkopf sport utilities do not zee zat vis ze addition of ze paved roads and ze heated parking, zer experience of ze ski would be much besser! Vee in Baden Wissenschliflichesgekeit love ze natur, and have been imprrrroving upon it fur centuries! Zis is why unserer mountain is ze best on ze Hungro-Austrian border!

PutzeSchwanzGesicht is not a word!

Guten TAG, Mein Herr. Ich bin Guenter von Weisswurst, und I have somezing zat I must zay to you. It has come to my attention zat zis fool Hank zeems to zink zat zis wort, "PutzeSchwanzGesicht" zat his friends made up in hauptschule is a real wort, und very funny. Vell, I have zis to say to you. PutzeSchwanzGesicht is NICHT EINEM WORT, you fool! Zis is ze CRRRRAP! Seine friends are vat you call ze KnuckleKnopff. Zis wort is a mockery of ze grrrreat German languaue. You sprecht scheiis ven you say zis wort. Any self respecting German Speaker vill make ze scorn on you ven you say zis wort to zem. If zey have ze self-contrrrol zey vill not take ze swing at you. You should never zay zis wort again, ever! Verstehen zie?!? VERSTEHEN ZIE?!?

Take "Ze Ski" Seriously!

JA Den, Klienes! Ich bin Guenter von Wiesswurst, und I am ze grrrreatest skiier in Baden Wissenschliffegekeit on the Austro-Hungarin border. Our zuper-fantastiche Mountain, the "Zugschwanzpimmel" is a vell kept secret zat is rarely discussed vis ze auslander. I have made ze ski on zis mountain fur my whole life. Vee here in Wissenschliffesgekeit take ze ski very seriously. Fur us, ze highest form of ze ski is ze perrrfectly forrrmed stem-christie turn. Vee make zees turns in ze frrresh und in ze packed snow conditions. Years are spent by each Mensch und Frau to perrfect ze stem-christie turn, in ze hope zat zey vill be zeen as being masters of ze ski.

In America, zer is no respect for ze ski. Here, zey make no regarrrrd for ze stem-christie turn. Zis fool, Hank, und ich skiied at ze resort called Purgatory. Zis fool Hank vas making his fast quick turns, with no regarrrds for ze proper stem-christie form. Zis fool kept saying he vas going to find, "Ze Big Air" on ze runs through ze trees. "Ze Big Air", GOT IN HIMMEL! Ze Ski is not about ze big air! Ze SKI is about ze corrrrect form, and ze punctual turn interrrrvals!! He mocks ze ski, und zerfore zis fool vill never be velcomen in Wissenschliffesgekeit. Tchuss!